Fighting the blahs & blues

I really do enjoy the Christmas holiday season. For me, it starts a few days after Thanksgiving, depending on how the weekend falls. I am all pumped up. I get my house tip top. I throw a couple of dinner parties so I can bring out my not-so-fine holiday china and try out some new recipes. I get invites to a couple of social events elsewhere, maybe do a holiday home tour, attend a Christmas concert, or go caroling, and shop, shop, shop.
Then it hits me. All that stuff cluttering my house. Just stuff. And then I bring more clutter down from the attic (wrapping paper, assorted boxes, bows). I barely have a walkway at the top of the stairs to my room. And what does it all mean. Nobody I know really needs anything I get them, although I do believe that some of the recipients are pleased with their gift from me. We trade pretty boxes or bags, smile for the camera, and say "thank-you", or "you shouldn't have", or...........you get the drift.
I tell myself often how I should contribute more to our society at large. There are many people who do not have the basics, much less an Ipod. On yes, I give to many charities and causes, but money only. In the past 10 years, I have personally gave of my time only three times. And when I did, it was a great experience and I truely felt I brighten someone's life just a wee bit that day. So why don't I do this more often? Besides being a lazy soul, I don't know why I don't act on more of what I think about. So, instead of admonishing myself for not achieving anything useful in my life, I need to take action. Perhaps then, I will really feel the Christmas spirit and it will be fun again to gather around the tree with loads of presents stacked around it.

Not being in control of our lives

This has been a very bleak day. And my sadness can't even meet the level that my niece must be feeling right now. I can't comprehend what she may be thinking, but my heart is breaking for her and my tears won't stop. Today, my niece found out that her baby has spinabifida. More tests next week. The happiest period in her life has darkened. She is fortunate to have a loving, strong husband by her side. All four of the parents are in her corner. Her faith in God is strong, but it is still hard to hear that my dear girl is having to face this challenge. Her life will change forever in ways she may not have ever really considered.
There is nothing I can do for her but love her and Everett O'Neil with all my heart, and to be there for them if they ever need me to be. I can never give them enough hugs. I love you Mandy.

Living life without parents

I am 52 years old, and both of my parents are still on this earth. I know several people a decade younger than me who have lost at least one parent already.

Last week, one of my friends endured the loss of her mother. She is 62, her mother was 95. Her mother was a widow for over 30 years. Up until a couple of months ago, my friend's mother still lived on her owned. During the past year, she needed more assistance with chores and errands, but she still maintain much of her independence. The down turn was sudden and severe. A blood infection which essentially went un-diagnosed for a few weeks. Her mother went into the hospital, rehab and back to the hospital over the course of 3 or 4 weeks. She never got to go back home.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my cousins had to get rushed to the hospital. She is 86. She and my Dad grew up together and have been friends their entire lives. She has lived in the same community her whole life. Like my friend's Mom who I mentioned earlier, my elder cousin has been a widow for about three decades also. She was diagnosed with a blood clot and urinary track infection (both of which went too long before she was admitted to the hospital). She is now in rehab. Her daughter, my cousin who is four years older than me, says her Mom doesn't want to come back home. Her attitude is one that has given up.

Both my friend and my younger cousin have had their mothers in their lives for a long time. They have been without their fathers much of their adult lives. They both saw a lot of their mothers. Visited often, called often, were their companion on many occasions.

I bring this up because of the stark difference in the relationship I have with my mother. Sadly, my Mom and I have never been very close. I might talk with her a couple times a week, I may visit every couple of weeks. We never have more than five minutes of conversation at any one time. Since my Dad is still alive also, she is never alone, so the need to attach herself to me or my sister has not existed. I find myself contemplating the aloneness I will feel when she and my Dad have left this earth. Both are in their 80's. That day is getting closer and closer. How can I live with myself for not being a good daughter?

Thinking about my future

At the moment, my future consists of the next two days. The weekend. My days off from my place of employment. But not as disconnected as I would like to be. The phone will be with me at all times. I have an appointment tomorrow at the beauty salon. It is an early appointment, and I am not much of a conversationalist in the morning. Which is too bad, since my stylist would be more than willing to listen to all my whinning, all my gripes. I spare her though. I usually inquire about her life since I last saw her five weeks ago. She has children and there always an amusing story to tell. She likes gardening as I do and we talk about that. Of course, now, we will discuss the pending chores of raking leaves. I don't have much of that to do anymore since the big tulip popular tree was cut down. If I really felt the need to commune with nature, I can visit my parents in Lincoln and help rake their yard. There is plenty of yard and trees where they live. But I always conveniently talk myself out of such work. I rationalize that by saying that as long as they are able to do it at all, some physical activity is good for them. And it is, but still..................I need to offer a helping hand. And it is that future, the one several years hence, I should be more thoughtful of.

Header has been created

It is just a start. I am sure I will play with it some more. There will be a Halloween banner created for next month. I could be created every month for some holiday, festival or celebration that might be going on in the world.

Just getting started

Hello world. It is the end of a very busy, gruely, 4-day work week. Sometimes, that holiday just isn't worth it. Heading home in just a minute. I am not sure I will ever really use this site, but I thought I would at least start one. My first order of business is to design the look. I will have fun doing that.............as soon as I figure out how to. So, here to clicking the "publish post" button.
Have a great weekend. I will. Going to a art show tomorrow, going to the fair Sunday afternoon to watch horse races.